i AM a photographer

no more excuses.

God only knows how many I've made over the past few years; no time to shoot, too busy sitting at a desk, too many administrative projects, the camera is too big to tote around, or too small and doesn't have enough megapixels, colors are not accurate enough, film is too expensive, lens is not wide enough, iso is not high enough, too much low light noise is, picture can't be blown up big enough, too many choices, not enough choices, hard to find the film i want etc.

the list is endless, and it shouldn't be.

i remember when i was in school. carrying an N90s with a 24mm f2.8 everywhere i went. making pictures, capturing moments, documenting, and all the while having fun. i remember shooting news events, parties, basketball, football, soccer, baseball, concerts, portraits, parades, protests, riots, drunken nights out, the little 500, the indy 500, clubbing, street scenes, shadows, friends, loved ones, strangers, clouds, sunsets... everything you could think of. and i loved every second of it.

i remember going out just to make pictures. for fun. no assignments, no deadlines, no pressures. just seeing, feeling, experiencing, then shooting.

i remember bryan moss, the director of photography at my very first internship in evansville, indiana, telling me to stop thinking, and to let the the picture "jump into my camera". his wise advice that if i found something interesting, then others would too. "trust your instincts," he would tell me, and point out that half the time, my favourite pictures were the ones i don't even remember taking in the first place.

i remember my internships, and my carrying a camera even after i was done for the day. why? cause you never knew when a picture would happen.

i remember coming back to singapore, and still working on photo projects i cared about. projects that let me tell stories and see how other people lived.

i remember looking death in the face in a SARS infected ICU ward, and never once being afraid because i knew i was doing something important. showing people something they wouldn't get to see if i didn't document it.

i remember the reality checks i got flying around the world to poorer countries and tsunami hit zones, constantly reminded of how fortunate i really was.

what i don't remember was when it all stopped. when i stopped.

i have lived, i have experienced, i have shared, i have taught, i have mentored, and i have learnt.

and now, i need to live again, i need to experience again, i need make pictures again, i need to tell stories, i need to do it all over again.

the time is now. no more excuses.

just one camera and lens slung around my shoulder and an open mind. like old times.

i may be a teacher, i may be a mentor, i may be an administrator of sorts, i may be a student.

i want to thank beeba for reminding me, that i am, first and foremost, a photographer.